just survived the first fart of the relationship.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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