Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
