your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
