And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
