Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
