I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize