This dress was meant to end up on your floor
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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