Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
