I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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