as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ugly people sure do ruin things
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
