WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were destined to go to rehab together
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
