I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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