She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
