You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
