i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
