i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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