he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
