The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
