I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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