Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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