dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize