some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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