If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
