You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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