She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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