do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
