my sisters under your porch take her home
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
