You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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