So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So much rum. So many feels.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize