Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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