You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
