Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
