i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
