A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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