since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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