WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
