I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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