Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
