What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
