dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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