I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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