take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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