Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
