i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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