Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
