If i come over, it means nothing
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
