getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
