We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
