I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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