if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
