A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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