when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
