What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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