so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize