So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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