and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
