I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize