when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
