I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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