you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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