I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
