remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
