Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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